Could someone please read my introduction and give me some feedback and correct it?
The assignment was to write somthing 3/4 of a page typed intoducing ourself to the instructor. And we had to include 3 suprising life experiences. It could be a poem, song, letter, formal essay or a journal entry. I choose to do it in the form of a journal entry. keep in mind this is not college it is a first sememster 10th grade english home school course online. For my safety I left out my real name and state. Here is the introduction:
Hello, my name is ******** ******. I am 14 years old and I am currently living in the great state of *******. I pretty much just an average teenager. My favorite things to do are surf, talk on the phone to my friends, run, and play with my three cats.
I have been surfing for about 2 years now. I didn’t even know that I could surf until two years ago. My Brother took me out into the ocean with him; I was very frightened by the huge waves crashing down all around me. But I ended up overcoming that fear and catching some good waves. Since that very surprising occurrence I have been surfing every chance I get. It is defiantly my favorite thing to do.
Running is something I just discovered I could do last year. Before that I thought water sports were the only type of sports that I would ever excel in. But my Physical Education teacher changed my mind when she encouraged me to try out for our school’s cross country running team. I didn’t think running 3.2 miles was something I would ever accomplish but with lots of hard practices and dedication to the sport I accomplished it. I placed 8th in our region meet and went on to run in our state meet. I will never forget that very surprising occurrence when I finished the 3.2 miles in 24 minutes at the region meet.
I am defiantly a cat lover. But I few years ago you would never hear me say that. I didn’t really like cats until the day I saw a little black kitten on the side of the freeway. He looked so small and helpless we had to rescue him. I thought keeping him was only temporary but that little black kitten stole my heart, and there was no way I could ever give him up. Since that surprising occurrence I have really grown to love cats and I have two more little angels to prove it.
I am very eager to be working on this English course. I am willing to put forth as much effort is needed to learn the material covered in this course.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
Hello, my name is ******** ******. I am 14 years old and I am currently living in the great state of *******. As teenagers go, I am pretty average. My favorite things to do are surf, talk on the phone to my friends, run, and play with my three cats.
I have been surfing for about 2 years now, and until 2 years ago did not even know I could surf. My Brother, took me out into the ocean with him; I was very frightened by the huge waves crashing down all around me. However, I ended up overcoming that fear and catching some good waves. Since that very surprising occurrence I have been surfing every chance I get. It is definetly my favorite thing to do.
Running is something I just discovered I could do last year. Before that I thought water sports were the only type of sports that I would ever excel in. But my Physical Education teacher changed my mind when she encouraged me to try out for our school’s cross country running team. I didn’t think running 3.2 miles was something I would ever accomplish but with lots of hard practices and dedication to the sport I accomplished it. I placed 8th in our regional meet and went on to run in our state meet. I will never forget that very time when I finished the 3.2 miles in 24 minutes at the regional meet.
Another fact about me is that I am definetly a cat lover. But I few years ago you would never hear me say that. I didn’t really like cats until the day I saw a little black kitten on the side of the freeway. He looked so small and helpless we had to rescue him. I thought keeping him was only temporary but that little black kitten stole my heart, and there was no way I could ever give him up. Since that time I have really grown to love cats and I have two more little angels to prove it.
I am very eager to be working on this English course. I am willing to put forth as much effort is needed to learn the material covered in this course.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
You need to watch repeated words do not use the same words like surprising occurance that just did not flow well
Spell check too.
Also, read your writings back to yourself if it does not sound right it probably is not. I have made some small corrections you can cut and paste if you like them
Good luck in English.
Hello, my name is ******** ******. I am 14 years old and I am currently living in the great state of *******. I pretty much just an average teenager. My favorite things to do are surf, talk on the phone to my friends, run, and play with my three cats.
I have been surfing for about TWO (numbers should be written in word form up to 20) years now. I didn’t even know that I could surf until two years ago. My brother (THE NOUN DOESN’T NEED A CAPITAL LETTER.. sorry for the caps, just wanted to be obvious!) took me out into the ocean with him; I was very frightened by the huge waves crashing down all around me. But I ended up overcoming that fear and catching some good waves. Since that very surprising occurrence I have been surfing every chance I get. It is DEFINITELY (just a spelling) my favorite thing to do.
Running is something I just discovered I could do last year. Before that, I thought water sports were the only type of sports that I would ever excel in. But my Physical Education teacher changed my mind when she encouraged me to try out for our school’s cross country running team. I didn’t think running 3.2 miles was something I would ever accomplish but with lots of hard practices and dedication to the sport I accomplished it. I placed EIGHTH in our region meet and went on to run in our state meet. I will never forget that very surprising RESULT (I wouldn’t overuse occurrence) when I finished the 3.2 miles in 24 minutes at the region meet.
I am DEFINITELY a cat lover. But I few years ago you would never hear me say that. I didn’t really like cats until the day I saw a little black kitten on the side of the freeway. He looked so small and helpless we had to rescue him. I thought keeping him was only temporary but that little black kitten stole my heart, and there was no way I could ever give him up. Since that UNEXPECTED INCIDENT (?) I have really grown to love cats and I have two more little angels to prove it.
I am very eager to be working on this English course. I am willing to put forth as much effort is needed to learn the material covered in this course.
I think it’s lovely – especially love the bit about the cats, how sweet! Good luck